Don’t Give Feedback
The Feedback Paradox
Let’s say you wake up and there are two magic envelopes on your dresser. The genie in mirror says you can open just one. They are labeled; “What you did wrong” and “Do this to succeed.” Which do you open? Right. People want to know how to succeed. Even though they want feedback, it often backfires. Here are four typical reasons why:
1. Its demeaning [maybe unintended]
2. It’s dishonest or insincere [sidesteps the issue]
3. It’s too general [fails to focus]
4. It’s hidden between layers of fluff [afraid to confront]
Fluffy bath towels are good. Fluffy feedback damages relationship.
If you’re thinking the desire for feedback is specific to millennials or some age group or generation or organization seniority, it isn’t. Check the psych and management journals. In my experience the most voracious feedback consumers I’ve dealt with were c-suite baby boomers. They were starved for it because very few people in their organizations would tell them the truth they needed to hear.
You may be thinking “not absolutely everyone wants feedback.” This is correct. Exceptions include incompetent people driven by fear, self-anointed experts, and narcissists. And there are exceptions to these exceptions but let’s focus on the opportunity.
There is a ton of data from multiple sources supporting the idea that feedback can significantly improve individual and organizational performance. Plus, when you strip away incentives and motivation games, feedback is your number one tool for aligning skills, strengths, and goals. To get alignment, you must do it well. It’s not hard. In fact, this approach will make it easier. It takes a bit of thought.
Certainly. Everyone does. That’s not hyperbole. We may define success differently but it’s what we want. Everyone. More precisely you want to know what to do differently so that you can succeed. If you are employed, that means make progress at work every day. (If you’re not familiar with The Progress Principle, YouTube the Ted Talk.) When people sense that they got something worthwhile done at work, they feel good. Every day we feel that way is a day we go home feeling good about our work and look forward to doing it again. To be successful you need future-focused feedback. But it’s not the ‘what you did wrong’ style feedback. It’s not “Don’t use our jargon.” It’s “Use everyday language that people understand”.
Future-Focused Feedback
Future-focused shines the spotlight on the success we want. It illuminates the path ahead rather than past stumbles. If you have something to say to someone about someone can be more effective, consider this:
1. Ask yourself how to approach them in a way that will encourage receptivity
2. Ask permission; even if it’s a direct report, set the stage
3. Speak to the person’s Best Future Self; all people, regardless of culture, have within them a concept of their best self. They want to bring that best future to life.
4. Provide specific, positive, actionable suggestions -- and -- keep it simple
5. If necessary, use impact statements to illustrate the cost of a negative behavior
Want to know how often to provide feedback? Ask the intended recipient. Most people want it ASAP, others less frequently. Alternately, if you see something that would benefit feedback, say something at the earliest safe opportunity.
What if you’re responsible for others, or part of a team that impacts your performance or your sanity? What if you’re asked for some feedback? Then what?
Finally
People want to succeed. Picture the two envelopes – which one do you open?
